The Outcats #3: Shivers (or Clean for a Day)

         If you've ever wondered what goes on in your cats' heads, giggled through a Bunnicula book, or enjoyed the puns of Piers Anthony, you might like to meet the Outcats.

In “Shivers (or Clean for a Day)” the Outcats are subjected to flea baths, but Gabby is certain they are being possessed by alien parasites.

1800 words (8 print pages)

Available in pdf, mobi, and epub formats 

Here's what people are saying (I’m a people.):

“It’s like Seinfeld with cats. There’s no plot, just a bunch of random events and jokes.” – J. Kirby

“I’m allergic to cats and just reading this made my throat swell shut.” – John K.

“I’m confused. So can the humans understand them or not?” – J. Paul Kirby

“I keep getting migraines every time I read one of those stories. Is there some connection?” – John P. Kirby

“For some reason there seems to be an overabundance of ‘Escape from New York’ and ‘Gilligan’s Island’ references in the stories.” – JP Kirby

“I laughed so hard I think I gave myself a hernia.” – JPK

Here's a little excerpt:

“Fleas!” Zeus gasped.  “Why’d it have to be fleas?”

“Oh, stop it, Zeus!  Lend me a paw.”  Cleo scratched one ear with her back foot.  “If I’d had my way, we would have eliminated the threat long ago and been rid of those invading cats!”

Zeus obediently helped scratch and bathe Cleo. 

“Merlin, a little help?” Cleo called.

At the time, Merlin had his own paws full.  He rolled in the floor scratching with one foot then the next.  Then he rubbed his paws over his ears repeatedly.

“It’s no use.”  Merlin sighed.

Zeus stopped grooming Cleo long enough to look at Merlin.  “Do you think they’ll notice?”

“Mommy and Daddy?  No, I don’t think so.”

The bedroom door opened and Mommy stepped out.  “Honey, get in here quick!”

“What is it?”  Daddy’s voice came from in the bedroom, followed by footsteps.

In a moment the two humans stood side-by-side in the bedroom doorway with gaping mouths.  The trio of cats were all scratching and biting themselves feverishly.

 “Fleas!” they said in unison.

All three cats stopped their frantic scratching and grooming at the same time and stared at the humans innocently.

Zeus’s ears twitched and he unconsciously began to scratch again.  “What gave us away?”

Meet the Outcats:

Cats of Character/Cast of Characters:

Cleopatra:            AKA Cleo, Baby Girl.  3 years old.  Female.  Cream-colored longhair.  Thick and fat barrel-shaped body.  Considers herself to be the cutest and Top Cat.  Despises Gabby.  Loves her Mommy.  Eats anything.  Special bond:  Merlin.  Nemesis:  Gabby, Oreo.

Merlin:       AKA Merle, Mer-Mer, Merwin.  5 years old.  Male.  Solid black shorthair other than a few scattered white hairs.  Thick body, bordering on fat.  The voice of reason of the group.  Eats almost any human food.  Special bond:  Cleo and Zeus.  Nemesis:  None.

Zeus:           AKA Bunny, Little Buddy.  6 years old.  Male.  Orange and white shorthair, bicolor.  Small, thin body.  The only declawed cat.  The most timid.  Not the fuzziest ball of the group.  Does not eat human food.  Prefers water from the tap.  Special bond:  Merlin.  Nemesis:  Gabby, Oreo.

Gabriella:     AKA Gabby, Gabby Girl.  Ancient and possibly immortal.  Female.  Medium-length tortoiseshell (dark gray/black, brown and orange).  Very large body, fat.  Talks incessantly, mostly conspiracies.  Crabby.  Eats most human food, but loves raw eggs.  Special bond:  No one.  Nemesis:  Cats.

Bandit:        AKA Bad Merlin (BM).  One year old.  Male.  Solid black shorthair.  Small, thin body.  Full of energy.  Trills instead of meowing.  Loves other cats.  Considers humans a necessary evil.  Eats some human foods.  Special bond:  Oreo.  Nemesis:  Gabby, humans.

Oreo:          AKA Chewie.  Two years old.  Female.  White-pawed calico tabby, shorthair.  Small, thick body.  Shy and skittish but curious:  follows cats and humans and stares.  Enjoys shredding phone charging cords and strings.  Special bond:  Bandit.  Nemesis:  Gabby, Zeus, Cleo.