The Outcats #2: Invaders from Mars

          If you've ever wondered what goes on in your cats' heads, giggled through a Bunnicula book, or enjoyed the puns of Piers Anthony, you might like to meet the Outcats.

In “Invaders from Mars” the Outcats have two new visitors.  Are they extraterrestrials here to abduct the Outcats?

3900 words (16 print pages)

Available in pdf, mobi, and epub formats 

Here's what people are saying (I’m a people.):

“It’s like Seinfeld with cats. There’s no plot, just a bunch of random events and jokes.” – J. Kirby

“I’m allergic to cats and just reading this made my throat swell shut.” – John K.

“I’m confused. So can the humans understand them or not?” – J. Paul Kirby

“I keep getting migraines every time I read one of those stories. Is there some connection?” – John P. Kirby

“For some reason there seems to be an overabundance of ‘Escape from New York’ and ‘Gilligan’s Island’ references in the stories.” – JP Kirby

“I laughed so hard I think I gave myself a hernia.” – JPK

Here's a little excerpt from #2 Invaders from Mars:

“Eggs.  That’s nasty.  And you eat them raw.”  Cleo made a face like she just swallowed a gallon of pickle juice.

“That’s how I keep my coat so youthful and shiny,” Gabby said.  “That way the aliens won’t abduct me.”

“I think they already abducted your brain and switched it with a fuzzy jingle ball.”

“And that’s why they’ll take you first,” Gabby said snidely, sticking her nose in the air.

“How’s that?”

“You’re rude.  They always go after the rude ones first.  Then the prima donnas.  And finally the shallow.”

“And keeping your coat shiny protects you how?”

“I don’t know.  It just does.  Maybe it reflects their sensors.  It’s like asking why ghosts don’t eat mayonnaise on a stick.  They just don’t and there’s no explanation for it.”

“Whew, you are exasperating.  Mice are myths, but aliens and ghosts are real.”

“Precisely.  There may be hope for you yet.  Provided you aren’t abducted first.”

“If it gets me away from you, I’m all for it.”

Meet the Outcats:

Cats of Character/Cast of Characters:

Cleopatra:            AKA Cleo, Baby Girl.  3 years old.  Female.  Cream-colored longhair.  Thick and fat barrel-shaped body.  Considers herself to be the cutest and Top Cat.  Despises Gabby.  Loves her Mommy.  Eats anything.  Special bond:  Merlin.  Nemesis:  Gabby, Oreo.

Merlin:       AKA Merle, Mer-Mer, Merwin.  5 years old.  Male.  Solid black shorthair other than a few scattered white hairs.  Thick body, bordering on fat.  The voice of reason of the group.  Eats almost any human food.  Special bond:  Cleo and Zeus.  Nemesis:  None.

Zeus:           AKA Bunny, Little Buddy.  6 years old.  Male.  Orange and white shorthair, bicolor.  Small, thin body.  The only declawed cat.  The most timid.  Not the fuzziest ball of the group.  Does not eat human food.  Prefers water from the tap.  Special bond:  Merlin.  Nemesis:  Gabby, Oreo.

Gabriella:     AKA Gabby, Gabby Girl.  Ancient and possibly immortal.  Female.  Medium-length tortoiseshell (dark gray/black, brown and orange).  Very large body, fat.  Talks incessantly, mostly conspiracies.  Crabby.  Eats most human food, but loves raw eggs.  Special bond:  No one.  Nemesis:  Cats.

Bandit:        AKA Bad Merlin (BM).  One year old.  Male.  Solid black shorthair.  Small, thin body.  Full of energy.  Trills instead of meowing.  Loves other cats.  Considers humans a necessary evil.  Eats some human foods.  Special bond:  Oreo.  Nemesis:  Gabby, humans.

Oreo:          AKA Chewie.  Two years old.  Female.  White-pawed calico tabby, shorthair.  Small, thick body.  Shy and skittish but curious:  follows cats and humans and stares.  Enjoys shredding phone charging cords and strings.  Special bond:  Bandit.  Nemesis:  Gabby, Zeus, Cleo.